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U**Situation:** The in-laws haven’t explicitly asked for dowry, but they expect the bride’s family to cover all wedding expenses. Additionally, there is an expectation of gold and jewelry for the groom.
**Background:** In South India, particularly in modern middle-class urban weddings, explicit dowry is often absent. However, the bride’s family typically bears the entire wedding cost. It is also customary in some traditions to gift gold jewelry and clothing—not just to the groom but also to his family, including siblings, aunts, and parents. Relatives often discuss what the bride’s family has “contributed,” and this underlying expectation helps the groom’s side maintain appearances. While there may be no direct demand for dowry in the form of cash, land, or property, these customs can sometimes serve as an implicit substitute.
**Analysis:** Whether this technically qualifies as dowry is irrelevant unless you plan to take legal action. The key question is how this expectation may impact you post-marriage. It could be a warning sign—potentially leading to further demands or resentment if the groom’s family feels their “son’s worth” wasn’t honoured. Alternatively, they might be reasonable and caring once the wedding is over.
**Response:** Start by having an open conversation with your fiancé and then, if necessary, with his parents. If you’re comfortable with the expectations, you can go along with them. If not, try negotiating. However, if you feel uneasy or pressured, consider stepping away before the engagement to avoid further escalation.
**For context:** In my (South Indian Male) wedding, we explicitly stated that there would be no dowry and that we would split the wedding expenses equally (50:50). However, my in-laws felt that sharing the costs would be an insult and insisted on covering the entire engagement and wedding expenses themselves. The same happened at my sister’s wedding—there was no dowry involved, but when the groom’s family offered to share the expenses, my parents declined, insisting that they could handle everything on their own without any help. After that, everything went as smoothly as possible, and now, life continues as usual—just like a ‘happily ever after.
UFirst step is to write a strongly worded email to principal, copying the teachers in cc, explaining the situation, all the events and mention that due to inaction faced so far, your next step is to go to the police. If that doesn’t work, then you can think of the next step.In the meantime, if he tries to hurt you, pepper spray his stupid face.
