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PI did the deal breaker list before marriage. Its the only thing that saved me during a very tough phase. As a woman, I’ve literally uprooted myself to be part of my husband’s family, and the biggest mistake that he did was not convey my deal breakers to his own parents. His dad was in dark about my eating habits – im not someone who would eat what his parents eat on a daily basis. I not just like to cook, i was about to get married into a “pure” vegetarian household. You can keep your caste aside for majority of the discussions, the parents would agree there, but eating habits not so much.
Im from a very liberal household and parents have been equal partners long before it was written down as a concept. But my husband’s family is pretty much traditional and his mother sacrificed a lot, and a lot for her kids, her in-laws and her husband. I can never, and I would never dream of that life, or even remotely want to sacrifice everything in name of family. My husband was very clear that his mother likes the way I think and I am as a person. Despite that the ground reality of traditional households is far far away from their claims.
I went through a lot during 1st 8 months of marriage, I was minimized in every way possible, my needs were dismissed and oh the judgements!!! Then i decided to leave for good, because my husband was unable to love by what he promised, and instead he was getting abusive day by day.
Then I spent ample time at my maternal home, recovering and reconsidering everything – after a couple months, I straight up told my husband that either he sticks to his words or we are getting separated.
Took another 3 months to discuss to and fro, reconciled.
So yes, its a HARD AGREE, from me. This post by OP is the reality of marriages.
PSo many words, but so irrelevant.Chai ki tapri change Karo, sasti chaii k nashe aise bahr aate hain…
PNAL.Going for a 30-40 lakh wedding expenditure itself is a red-flag.
First off, you need to understand that no one knows how much you have in savings unless you disclose it in your lifestyle.
The best case scenario is to convert your savings into gold bricks and store it in a bank lockers, like 2 to 3 different banks.
You can live in rental, and never disclose who owns the apartment your parents are living in.
After all this, spend serious time in dating, and knowing potential matches. Don’t speed date, don’t hurry up. If and only if the relationship has already crossed the mark of 1.5 year, consider getting married. You can disclose your salary, but not the savings.
Transferring everything in your parents name, might backfire, because afterall they are humans too, they are biased as well.
When you’ll have kids and your married life would be going fine, you’d figure out how much you can trust your spouse, or whether the relationship is going to last. This takes anywhere upto 6 to 10 years. Then think about your kids as well.
PNAL. But this is what I’ve personally seen when a women who’s close to me, was beaten black and blue by her husband – almost every other week.1. Record him. There’s are voice recorders available, which work upto 8 hours. You can buy a few. Video record him, and secure these recordings.
2. Keep call records.
3. Never give access to your phone/laptop.
4. Secure your jewellery.
5. Figure out the nearest police station, or mahila thana, in case of domestic violence call the police and atleast make a diary/register entry of incident (threatening/hitting/breaking or throwing of household items/ creating public nuisance).
6. Never chat on telegram, keep sexting records, specially the part where he must have requested unnatural acts from you.
PI hate this thing, when literally your own son/daughter is trying to help you, you start judging. Kya generation Hai yrrr… Sach me… they happily walk into scamsters traps just coz they sound respected/respectful/sweet/threatening etc. Easy to manipulate by everyone except their own children’s catious attitude.PNAL.Did you check the authenticity of her claims?
There’s no way that children arent talking to her, without the neighbours and some other people knowing it. Its absurd.
More than likely, the mother is either delusional or worse has some mental illness that she’s making these stories.
If her claims are right, then you should just have a friendly visit, like people visited their relatives in earlier times.
PNAL.Sometimes the life is so messed up, from where we look at it, that it’s better to cut losses and try again.
Your mom should be your utmost priority at this point. Legal machinery take years, before you prove anything to the court, you’d need money for legal fees and that’s just not it – the physical, emotional and mental load that is going to become a burden. You’ll be in endless waiting line outside court, and outside lawyers chambers.
Unless you have recorded evidence, that can be given to Forensic labs and proven as genuine, a practicalnadvise would be to not step into legal mess.
I dont know what’s your gender and age, but your aunt won’t stay silent either. She can put up fake cases, and I don’t even know upto what extent she can do it. Consult a lawyer before you make up your mind.
The best you can do is, take care of your mom and move out of that place. OR if that house belongs to your mom legally, then kick your aunt out.
PHe went into her without any protection, who’s stupid here? He didn’t want to get married but he had no problem making her pregnant.PThe school principal and teachers are right, the schooling system here is different and I’ll clear up the confusion – THE SYSTEM IS TRAUMATIC! PERIOD.Your child need not ADJUST to trauma. Kudos to you for taking a stand!
PNAL.>I don’t want to file any false case
Now read this again:
>…spent close to 10L for the wedding prep. They wanted a grand engagement and we obliged. Sangeeth, done. Clothes to be given. Big wedding hall, done. No expenses were split.
Dowry right here👇:
>They wanted a grand engagement and we obliged.
>Clothes to be given.
>Big wedding hall, done.
>No expenses were split.
Consult a lawyer, irl. You are posting your own story in such an apologetic way, no wonder the guy had the guts to do this to you. Stand up for yourself for once.
